1. Hello Guest join the one and only RWBY community to discuss the upcoming RWBY series!
    Dismiss Notice

Original Characters

Discussion in 'RWBY Fandom' started by Ember, Jun 23, 2013.

  1. AceofAces

    AceofAces Impyrrial Admin at Law, Esq.
    Staff Member Admin

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2013
    Messages:
    11,577
    Likes Received:
    10,725
    @Armidious Fowl

    GERDA
    Now I'm no mad scientist, but wouldn't a procedure like this stunt her growth or something? Sure, she may be stitched back together, but would her body continue growing and aging as if nothing happened? I have to imagine that there's some kind of permanent effect associated with this procedure, especially when tissues and organs were dead, however brief it might have been.

    But getting to the core of this character, I feel like I have to point out that like so many OC creators before you that have posted here, you forgot to develop the most important part of the character: her personality. You pretty much did everything else except for personality so while it may look good from the outside at a superficial level, when you peel Gerda back further there isn't much to her yet.

    However, I think her being brought back to life can lend quite a bit to a potential personality and what drives her to do the things she does. Since she was given a second chance on life, I imagine that her motivations for being a huntress are to give other people the same chance at life, to save those that others can't, which works really well (since this is similar to Ruby). I would use this as a bedrock and expand her personality outward from that. It's not a complete personality, but it's a good starting point to define and unify her character as a whole.

    No offense, but I'm looking at the weapon and semblance referring to "kinetic" energy and I'm left scratching my head as to whether you understand what it is you're trying to do. By definition, kinetic energy is incapable of being stored. Otherwise, it's called "potential energy" since kinetic energy refers to movement rather than electricity. A thrown ball has kinetic energy because it is in motion, and then when it stops, it has potential energy (or the amount of work needed to move the object at a certain velocity). Moreover, you have your weapon and semblance doing the same thing, so I have a more efficient solution that also better coincides with the personality foundation I laid out before.

    For her semblance, I would consider giving Gerda a mild healing factor where she's capable of healing herself better than most people, and its because of this healing factor that her organs remained alive for her parents to perform the procedure. However, this is not as strong as someone like Wolverine's, so she can't just be stitched back together and act like nothing happened. Her healing factor requires energy, so if it is overtaxed by repeated and serious injury, it becomes drained to the point where instead of healing her, it's only capable of self-preservation of her organs and limbs because that's all that it can manage under such immense trauma. (Side Note: it's because of this that I would think Gerda might have been a somewhat sickly child before her procedure, since her semblance was consuming much of her natural energy in order to function). With this in mind, her parents realized that the procedure wasn't working because they needed more power in order to not only jumpstart her heart, but also provide her semblance with the constant fuel that it needed, so they infused her body with Shock Dust and overclocked her system (which is a thing from the Dust WoR episode). With this added energy, her semblance was able to function properly to heal her without draining her stamina like it did as a child. As a trade off, Gerda has a very high metabolism and eats a tremendous amount of food to manage this energy demand, but she doesn't gain weight because her super-charged semblance burns so many calories. Additionally, she's capable of conducting static electricity from her body, and channels this through her metal weapon like a superconductor except instead of the electricity coming from the weapon, it's coming from her.

    HORACE
    Most of this is fine, but again, I'm not seeing much of a personality; there's a bit there, but it could use more development. Moreover, I feel like you've told me more about his family than himself, and yet I'm having a difficult time understanding the source of their infamy. As far as the public is concerned, they're weird but skilled and ferocious hunters, but why would people think they have some kind of agenda against society because of this, whether it's political or whatever? That's what isn't adding up to me. Sure, people's opinions on his family are founded upon false assumptions, but even rumors have some sense of logic to them. It's just that they have flawed assumptions at their core. I feel like if you can better explain what it is people are afraid the Van Vermillions will do to harm society, then there would be a better reason for Horace to have this stigma follow him wherever he goes.

    Getting back to personality though, it's interesting that you mentioned the word "friction" for his semblance, and I think this can be useful in further developing his personality because when I think of friction, I think of conflict. As such, Horace isn't a confrontational person, and he might even be something close to a pacifist, trying to resolve conflicts without fighting and saving combat for a last resort. Moreover, he's frustrated with why people are unfairly hostile towards him, and his semblance is a reflection of this frustration because he wants to reduce friction in others' attitudes so that things flow easier, but can't because he can't change their perceptions of him and his family (at least overtly). He sees how so much of the conflict in this world is founded upon irrationality and unjustified distrust, and that if they just eased up on their friction towards one another just a bit, they might be able to see eye-to-eye.

    UNDINE
    While I love the color scheme in her hair, it looks too uniform because I thought it actually was a head cloth instead of actual hair. If you can do something to make it look more like hair, then that'll work. Most of this is good, but again, I feel like I'm only getting hints of her personality and nothing substantive. All I know about her as a person is that she's adventurous (and maybe even a little reckless).

    Also, I feel like her semblance might be a bit too much since it's doing two different things: (1) transmuting matter, and (2) animating inanimate objects. My feeling is to have it be one or the other, but regardless of whatever you pick, I feel like there is this disconnect between these abilities and her personality, but this is largely due to the fact that there isn't much of a personality to speak of. Perhaps if I better understand the thought process behind transmutation or animation as a semblance, it might help develop her personality and her soul since it then would beg the question of what kind of person would value such an ability. (Also, I don't think "Necro-Animation" is the best name since this would pertain to reanimating dead things that were once alive. Not only is it a misnomer for your semblance ideas, but you've already covered this concept with Gerda).

    LODEN
    I'm not seeing anything about him to suggest that he's a Wolf-Faunus. All Faunus have some anatomical feature about them that is animal like, such as ears, claws, horns or tails. Hair just isn't enough to suggest this. He might have my favorite weapon out of all of them, so I like the grave-robber idea, though I would imagine that in addition to being scavengers, his pack would also be bandits conducting raids against small villages so that they could scrounge up whatever they could find. As a group, they wouldn't be able to survive well simply by picking up what other bandits leave behind, so they would have to get their hands dirty from time to time too. After all, we saw that with the Branwen Twins (Qrow and Raven), and Qrow left because he was sick of what the bandit tribe was doing and wanted to do something better with his life.

    Again, I'm not sensing much of a personality, so what kind of person would have super breath semblance? What kind of metaphors can be drawn out from super breath? I know you picked it for the Big Bad Wolf motif but we need to get deeper in order to establish a stronger core for this character.

    Overall, these are good characters with a very good unifying theme typically not seen elsewhere, but they could each use a little work to give them stronger foundations. As I have said in the past, a character's personality is their soul, so if this isn't properly developed, then you have soulless characters that only look good from a superficial exterior view. When you give a character a soul, then they begin to feel real, like all of the canon characters that already exist in the show.
     
  2. Armidious Fowl

    Armidious Fowl Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2015
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    229
    @AceofAces

    THANK YOU SO MUCH, I love your points, and no offense taken. I did leave out their personalities an for the life of me can't think of why I would do that. I did put down their likes, habits, and tenancies after all.

    GERDA: Like like X-23, her growth IS actually stunted due to her operations done to her.

    Her personality is very optimistic and isn't ashamed of her scars or stitches, and thinks of them as what saved her life. She has a very "It's okay, we can fix that." personality , and doesn't like dwelling on sadness very much, but rather proactively try to abate the problem. A real "moving forward shall we?" sort of person.

    That being said, her pleasantness does hide a side of her that isn't a push over. She's very protective of people she cares about as will be revealed if you attempt to steal them from her (and by "steal" i mean try to kill them or hurt them).

    This video of Doctor Grey is a good example of her, and she's kind of based on her in a sense:



    As for her semblance, thanks for catching that as my understanding of kinetic energy was mistaken, and healing is useful but not as powerful or as impactful as i was hoping to go for, especially because i wanted her ability to mend people be due to her surgical prowess as opposed to super power.


    HORACE: Again very good points all around. My understanding is that their infamy was conveyed by who they were based off of, which is my error, so I'll just get into more detail.

    The Vermilion's were notabley indomitable and savage during the war, to the point of frightening people away rather than fighting them. No one pushed war crimes against them cause no one wanted them as an enemy. ( i should note i mean province by province, not entire nations like Atlas etc). Those who have crossed them tend to lose everything, or not be heard from again, and horror stories have arisen locally due to them.

    The contrast of them having a high society life (when they chose to venture into society) , is because due to so much being merely speculation aside from their ancestors conduct during the war, you have little to base your reservations on when meeting them, other then the imperative that you make a point to not be on their bad side. They're name's associated with mystery, and misdeeds, and horrors.

    Your suggestion on making him a pacifist is top notch, and i have NO problem with applying that more dynamically, he basically is one anyway. And although i didn't specify this (for whatever reason) he is rather annoyed with the stigma he's labeled with.

    Personalities like Yang's , but especially if not specifically Nora Valkerie's make him try to escape to the other room before he's forced to interact with them. If you can imagine her wanting to great the "New people" and him whisking away and her following him because no one leaves without a hug, and him sticking to a wall above her hoping she doesn't notice him, it's the right image.
     
  3. Armidious Fowl

    Armidious Fowl Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2015
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    229
    @AceofAces

    UNDINE: Totally understandable, and originally that was a head piece and her hair was umber brown, kinda like Pharah from Overwatch (btw she has Egyptian tattoo's on her arms under her jacket). Making it a head set definitely is doable.

    To clarify her semblance. When I say animate objects I again, reference FullMetal Alchemist. It's more for the image of it then anything, when Edward Elric makes a tree grab someone, it isn't like he's making the tree alive per say, no more then making a rock look like a fist. If she were to have one or the other as you say, it would be the second one.

    I say the second one because her personality is very spicy and energetic, and likes being the life of the party what form it may be in. Never a dull moment on her watch. She's a total science/history nerd who loves cartoons and being a dare devil, so sort of like a Nathan Drake teen girl. The idea with the transmutation was fun because if she's in a desert area with allot of nickle or mercury in the ground , along with another environmental component she could use to make another element she would belt out "YES! There's sulfur here! I can science!"

    She's another personality who Horace had to get used to like Nora because she hugged him out of the blue when saying good bye. She's certainly get along with Yang and want to learn how to ride a motorcycle. She is pretty much a contrast to her base of being a mummy when she's not withdrawn and breaths life into scenarios and people.

    LODEN: He has dog teeth, and is ears are under his hat. When he takes it off, you see his ears which perk up depending on his mood. Same goes for his tail being hidden underneath his jacket.

    None of this is obvious, at all, so i'm not saying that like "WELL DUH!"

    He wont' deny he's a faunus if asked, he'd just retort with "Why does that matter?"

    This is not because of being ashamed like Blake, but rather not wanting all the bother that comes with pre-conceptions about him based on it, and since he works in both human and faunus circles, he just would rather avoid the drama. It isn't something t makes him want to run away like Blake, he just finds it annoying. And when he's annoyed for too long, he gets grumpy, and when he gets grumpy, it creates problems, and when people create problems for him, they're given a reason to leave him alone or be scared of him.

    He'd prefer his bark to be worse than his bite. He doesn't like resorting to either.

    The bandit theme is very easily enforced, and i like the irony of how him fighting along side a Huntress rather then fleeing for Grimm to finish her off, and his "bandit" cohorts getting bitten by the very grimm they were hoping would prey on their pursuers.

    As for his personality, when i said: "Despite his seemingly indifferent or menacing exterior, he's really got a bit of a child in him, albeit a grumpy one at times. He enjoys seeing children playing and enjoying themselves like he didn't have opportunity to. He's fiercely loyal and pack minded, and despite his dirty and grueling job, he actually keeps himself and his possessions up; believing in appreciating what and who you have."

    What i meant to imply he is appreciative and acknowledges the value of a selfless good deed, or what you have, even if it's having a friend when you could very easily have no one, or the clothes on your back. He's been homeless, so he knows not to gripe for things, and doesn't like material people complaining about petty things either, another peeve of his. As a grave-man he's got more reverence for sacrifice and loss , given what he's lost, and also found.

    He essentially wants to take the gift of a second chance given him by the Huntress he fought along side, and pay it forward by being a hunter himself, and make sure his skills taught him by her own mentor, don't go to waste. He doesn't want to be a sponger any longer.

    On a more intimidating basis, a phrase of his might be :
    Opponent:"So what, you aren't going to insult me too? No comeback?"
    Him:"No. Why would I speak ill of the dead?"

    While he doesn't like a majority of people who come from Atlas as he finds them overindulgent, unappreciative, and selfish, His feelings on the White Fang is, they started off well intended, but have become something else that live for revenge more than equality.

    "When that first shot is fired, you have no idea who's going to die, or how many lives will be shattered, or hearts broken, and all of them feeling justified like i did in stealing and bringing misery to people."

    In short I guess, he takes to Gerda because he actually relates to her finding something good and be thankful for it personality, who would fix a problem for you even if you didn't ask. He appreciates that. Also, she's from Atlas, and couldn't care less about his race. Her and her family are one of the good ones.

    He likes Horace because he doesn't jump to conclusions, and would rather be smart then be violent, but isn't such a pacifist he isn't capable of protecting what's valuable. Horace in turn likes that he lives with his stigma without having to "prove a point" to the world, and tries contradicting that stigma by positively affecting the world. Which is what one of his sci-fi book heroes do.

    Loden likes Undine because frankly, while she can be quipy, a jabber at times, she won't take no for an answer where it comes to being his or Horaces friend, not out of her own energy alone, but because she can tell that Loden is lonely at times, and would rather he have an annoying friend then none at all, and work from there. Like Gerda, she doesn't care he's a Faunus either, and treats him with respect as a person, and doesn't automatically assume his profession is boring /and or creepy.

    If anything the crypt keepers of ancient Vacoen kings were some of the highest regarded professions to be had. Having respect for the dead and the afterlife was a noble pursuit because you had to respect the life you have now if you wanted it to be worth honor in the afterlife, so she totally understands where he's coming from. He likes that for all her gab, she's smart too, and isn't all talk, she really listens too.

    Gerda and Undine like each other because....well they both like D&D and have tried to get Loden and Horace to play and Loden never has.

    How i designed that they all met was on the way to Beacon from their respective corners of Remnant, on a transport with malfunctioned and had to land on a hill top till it could be repaired. The fear of the passengers at nearly crashing, invited Grimm to flock to the area, and the four of them naturally clicked together as the jumped to the occasion in fending them off before they could get any other passengers.

    All 4 of them had already encountered Grimm before given their lives they've lead, so not even first year yet students who had never seen a Grimm before in person, stayed back while the 4 of them helped the security Hunters aboard the transport.

    They talked after that and the ship was able to take off and get along enough so that they would meet each other again after arriving at Beacon academy and eventually became Team GHUL
     
  4. Mezzo Fourte

    Mezzo Fourte Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2016
    Messages:
    350
    Likes Received:
    296
    What is X-23?
     
  5. AceofAces

    AceofAces Impyrrial Admin at Law, Esq.
    Staff Member Admin

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2013
    Messages:
    11,577
    Likes Received:
    10,725
  6. Armidious Fowl

    Armidious Fowl Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2015
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    229
  7. AceofAces

    AceofAces Impyrrial Admin at Law, Esq.
    Staff Member Admin

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2013
    Messages:
    11,577
    Likes Received:
    10,725
    @Armidious Fowl, yeah, stunted growth works, and the "we can fix it" mentality definitely works with trying to help people have second chances at life, just like her. Though you misunderstand the healing factor. She doesn't heal other people through super powers. She only heals herself, so that surgical aspect is still very much in play.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I could actually believe the rumors of the Vermillions if they originated with the enemy, and in an attempt to slander the Vermillions later on after the war, started spreading all of these rumors amongst other people until they took root as the legends and mysteries that they are. However, because of how anti-social the Vermillions were and how ferocious they were in the face of opposition, they weren't able to properly defend themselves in the public spotlight and developed the reputation of bloodthirsty (maybe even literally bloodthirsty according to the stories) murderers that they were who profited from death, all of which is completely unfounded, but so much time has passed that it's considered truth among the people. Yeah, that's a hard stigma for someone like Horace to deal with.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    So for Undine, inanimate objects become extensions of herself after she breathes life into it? Yeah, that seems appropriate, like if she touches a tree, then she can make the branches do whatever she wants, or if she touches the ground, a giant hand springs up from it. And I like the way that you phrased it about how she "breathes life" into a situation. In this way, she serves the same role that Nora does, acting as a positive force for others around her. After all, just as Nora physically generates her own electricity which strengthens her muscles, she also metaphorically generates her own positive energy from a seemingly endless resevoir, and this is her greatest strength. So with this in mind, a similar soul can be fashioned for Undine too in trying to be a positive force for others.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    For Loden, pick one animal trait. Faunus only have one. It's a hard rule established by CRWBY, but otherwise, that's fine. It just wasn't obvious at first glance, and his attitude on his Faunus lineage is fine too.

    For his personality, I feel like it's missing something to connect Super Breath with the rest of his personality so that his semblance isn't just something tacked on for reasons unrelated to his soul.

    Respect for the sacrifices of the dead is good, and the part about him not taking what he has for granted (and disliking pettiness) also works, but I think this is incomplete since this implies he doesn't want anything out of life when he grew up with nothing. On the contrary, there's a hunger in him for a better life, and he was raised in this bandit environment to believe that destroying things was the way to that better life as the strong take from the weak to survive (as personified by his Super Breath), but he grew up to see his bandit comrades more motivated by greed than simple survival, which is ultimately what induces his change of attitude. However, he does want more out of life, but all he knows is taking. He doesn't know how to create and add good things to the world, and he might even feel that the pressures and responsibilities of being a hunter might conflict with deeper personal desires that he's not proud of. He might feel conflicted between a sense of duty and inner selfishness, but not in a malevolent sense. Rather a survival sense.

    In this regard, he's a lot like Blake where his Semblance is a negative aspect of his personality. For Blake, her semblance is a metaphor for her cowardice and inability to let people get close to her. For Loden, it's a metaphor for his ability to destroy instead of contribute something positive. Both of them are trying to repurpose this aspect of themselves into something positive, but are struggling to do so because they don't know how at the moment. For Blake, we know that her solution is to be more trusting and have faith in others to help her when she decides to stand and fight instead of run away. For Loden, he may be searching for that way to "pay it forward," and thinks being a Hunter might be a good starting point, but then underestimate how much of a sacrifice it is and feel personally deprived because he isn't advancing his own self-interest and personal hunger for the happy life he never had. Ultimately, his growth would come from finding happiness in the sacrifice, that he can create happiness in himself by giving to others.
     
  8. Reaar

    Reaar New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2015
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Changed Oran a bit. Need some more suggestions for character and backstory.

    [​IMG]
    Although he never qualified for a huntsman academy, Oran Ankerr is still a force to be reckoned with. A Specialist officer, he is stationed at the Mantle outpost of Ivory. His high success rate at catching dangerous bandits, along with rich friends, have afforded him advanced equipment.
     
  9. Armidious Fowl

    Armidious Fowl Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2015
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    229

    For HORACE, yeah sure that's tenable. I mean his family tree isn't ALL good, and his fore fathers did put the fear of god into people for crossing them, but the exaggeration being carried over by enemies into rumors makes sense and what I'd planned on being a root anyway. If anything his family became ferocious out of necessity as many did during the war, they just made a bigger show of it. Erecting their prisoners of war on spikes for Grimm to come for as punishment for killing one of their own was an example. Kind of like Ender Wiggin, by destroying the biggest bully , the smaller bullies will leave us alone, winning one battle will prevent future ones from occurring. It wasn't like it wasn't deserved but when they went, they went big, and it wasn't forgotten, and the infamy of such spread like wild fire, and lingered.

    For LODEN?

    Hmmm so have him aspiring to achieve the contentment that I've already given him at this point. I see what you're talking about. Why not take a destination and make it a journey. Right?
     
  10. AceofAces

    AceofAces Impyrrial Admin at Law, Esq.
    Staff Member Admin

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2013
    Messages:
    11,577
    Likes Received:
    10,725
    Absolutely, because that's a journey that makes your character interesting and real (since we all have our own journeys in life that are constantly being written), and if you were writing a story for these characters, then the readers would see Loden's evolution, along with your other characters. If you start at the end product, there's nothing for the audience to see happen in real time. It all happened off screen. It would be like watching the series finale of RWBY, and then being told after the fact through a secondary source explanation about how each of the characters grew into the people they are at the end. No one would want that.
     

Share This Page