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Terrible Puns

Discussion in 'General Chit Chat' started by Popcornia, Feb 21, 2014.

  1. Popcornia

    Popcornia Well-Known Member

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    This thread is for, you guessed it,
    [​IMG]

    What do you call a man who can't undergoe vital back surgery. Spineless
     
    #1 Popcornia, Feb 21, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2014
  2. LaserPigeon

    LaserPigeon Well-Known Member

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    Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

    I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

    Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

    A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

    The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

    A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

    I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.

    I was gonna tell a gay joke, butt fuck it.

    No gay jokes. You think they’re good, but they’re really a pain in the ass.

    No handicapped jokes. I can’t stand those.

    No lesbian jokes. You guys don’t have the balls to tell ‘em.

    No vagina jokes, they’re horrible. Period.

    No jokes about your girlfriend’s vagina. We’ll never get it.

    And I know I made a gay joke at the start, but I was just being a fucking asshole. You don’t have to be.

    So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom. And he's got a lot of work to do. First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there's a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally he gets out of there and realizes he has to go buy a corsage, so he goes to a florist. But there's this big long corsage line at the florist. Finally he gets the corsage and has his tux and he's gotta go rent a limo. But there's this huge line when he gets to the limo place. Finally after waiting and making all the arrangements, it's the night of the prom. He picks her up and takes her down there to get in, but there's this huge ticket line at the door. Finally they get in and they start dancing and having fun, and she says to him, "I'm hungry," so he goes to get her some food, but there's this huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat and they're dancing again and she says, "Now I'm thirsty, can you get me a drink?" So he goes to get her a drink...and there's no punchline.
     
    #2 LaserPigeon, Feb 21, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2014
    WillVintage and Aznpride1207 like this.
  3. Popcornia

    Popcornia Well-Known Member

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    When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

    Did you hear about the guy who got hit with a soda can ? He's lucky it was a soft drink.

    A man walked into McDonalds and found everyone dead. "Wow!" he said, "Someone ordered a Big Macbeth!"
     
  4. KineticKaiser

    KineticKaiser Baeven
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    I forgot where the sun was, but then it dawned on me.

    What's a pirate's favorite letter? The C.

    I've recently started reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

    What did Jesus say when asked where to get a decent boat? "I Noah guy"

    What do you call a photo-centered conversation with Alan Rickman? Snapechat.

    What do you call a cow in a marijuana patch? Steaks that have never been higher.
     
    #4 KineticKaiser, Feb 21, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2014
  5. LaserPigeon

    LaserPigeon Well-Known Member

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    Really? I thought it would be R.
     
  6. AceofAces

    AceofAces Impyrrial Admin at Law, Esq.
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    What about I? As in "Aye"?
     
  7. Popcornia

    Popcornia Well-Known Member

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    This is probably the worst pun I will ever make.
    Teachers with relationships with students must have an eye for their pupils.
     
  8. Darksilver

    Darksilver Well-Known Member

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    Ever heard the one about the cannibal who threw up his arms? How about the one where he dumped his girlfriend?

    What do you call a body builder that handles sales? Clerkules

    What is a boxer's favorite part of a joke? The punchline
     
  9. Popcornia

    Popcornia Well-Known Member

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    What's a failure of a man in China called? A Lu-ser
     
  10. billyo

    billyo New Member

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    why are pirates pirates because they are
    you should say that with a pirate acsent
     

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